A Bitter Sweet End

I guess at this point I am officially a senior at Hofstra University. This is a strange experience. I've always said that public school felt like it took forever because we always had so much of it left in front of us. However, college has felt like it happened in the blink of an eye. Look, right there, I'm already speaking about it in the past tense and it's not even over yet. Ok, I'll attribute that one to my poor writing skills. What I'm trying to say is that I'm baffled that these four years are preparing me for the rest of my life. This semester in particular was extremely difficult. It just felt like classes, performances, and relationships were all stepped up to the next level of intensity.

Don't get me wrong, I'm am extremely happy for the summer to be here. There is something about caddying, making money, and lounging with good friends that just clears my head. However, I still can't get the bitter taste of this last semester out of my mouth. Academics were challenging but I did it. Performances were awesome even though they caused me more stress than ever. It's the relationship part that makes me step back and think, "What the hell is wrong with us?" I'm pretty sure no one reads this but I'm still leery to write this down cause I'm almost positive it will get me in trouble somehow. I don't care though, I need to get my thoughts down. This past year, and especially the spring semester, I saw some of the ugliest sides of people I never thought I would see. I write this as a hypocrite because I am guilty of most of these things as well. What I don't understand is where we all learned that it is OK to say nasty things about someone behind their back, discretely over Facebook, or while they are in the same room. It's just not OK. As undergrads we are not skilled or experienced enough to comment on anyones musical ability, personal philosophies, or social actions. It all comes down to what you learned in Kindergarten, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything. Honestly, if the only thing you do with your friends is talk about other people when they aren't there you're relatively pathetic.

If you call someone your friend, don't commit the above action. If I had a nickel for every time I saw this happen I wouldn't be rich exactly, but I could probably buy a soda or something. Your friends are precious, never let anything stupid come between you and them.

We are only undergrads. There is a certain level of respect that should come from us directed at our superiors. Now, I am all for questioning things and fighting that power. Coming from a loud mouth, there is a certain way to question your superiors. Keep an open mind, there is so much information available to us. See what everyone has to offer and then, in the end, take what you want and leave what you don't like. I think thats exactly what college is about.

In a similar fashion to a friend of mind I would like to say that our time here is limited. Like everyone, I'm eager to one day be in control. However, why not make your time here pleasant. No one I have ever encountered at school is a truly and deeply bad person. We are all different and obviously will not all agree. However, something I've learned from working at a country club is that no matter who you don't like sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. You wont always agree with everyone, but you can be nice to everyone. It will make you feel better and make your time more valuable.

I must also say, that nothing in this post is directed at anyone specifically. It's more of a compilation of general feelings. This blog is for me, so read if you want and don't read if you can't handle it. If you feel this addresses you then maybe you are guilty along with me :-/

... and it all came tumbling down.

Have you ever gotten that feeling that impending doom is upon you? Ok, maybe that's a bit dramatic. To say the least, it's a misrepresentation. Maybe it's more of a sense that change is upon me and the people around me. It's funny how I relate change to impending doom. I think this simply comes from the fact that I'm growing up. Three years of college have gone by so fast and the comfort of "I know exactly what I want to do with my life" seems to get weaker everyday. I guess I'm still learning things about myself, and that's what's really scary. It's like I'm going to be thrust into the real world when I'm not yet ready to stand on my own two feet. I guess I'll just have to hit the ground running.

Now for the less depressing and frightening part of this post. Although the first part of this may suggest otherwise I'm actually extremely happy right now. This time in my life is definitely one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, but for the first time I'm trying to put trust in the idea that if I try my best to make smart choices and surround myself with good people I'll come out alright. This has worked pretty well so far.

The HU Chamber Singers performances! What an awesome time I had learning and performing Bach's fourth Cantata. Despite the one casualty, the opossum I ran over in Smithtown, this weekend of performances was great. Even the weather couldn't hold us back. The Bach was definitely the hardest piece of music I've had to learn and it was the first time I've gotten on stage to perform something that I wasn't sure I had all of the skills to execute, but I did it. We did it. I really love singing with this group.

I've had the pleasure of seeing two operas in two weeks. Well, it was actually the same opera twice. L'etoile was an opera I knew nothing about going into the performance. However, I left that theater completely in love. A friend of mine told me that operas that are obscure are usually that way for a reason. This one was so good though! Seeing it twice was a great idea, not only because the NYC Opera did a great job, but because it will probably be a long time before I get to see it again. Also the events of the second night still make me laugh. I unknowingly attended "Boy's Night" at the opera accompanied by a friend of mine. She, realizing this event and knowingly not clueing me in, decide to adorn male attire to add to the inevitable moment of my realization. Let's just say I wish I had a picture of my face when it all hit me.

What I've learned from these past few weeks is that one must cherish the positive relationships in their life. If you do, and you keep good people close, difficult tasks will be made much easier. Goodnight everyone.

I'm bad at continuous posts.

This always happens to me. I start some type of blog or journal and can never keep a steady supply of posts going. However, this time it doesn't stem from lack of motivation. It simply comes from my lack of time and interesting events in my life. However, hear are a few things I have come to realize recently.

Working on music late into the night makes you forget about what time you have to get up in the morning. Actually, I'm not sure if I forget or if I just don't care. Doesn't matter really, all I really know is that score studying or practicing, anything music related really, is a fun activity at any time of day. It makes me feel like Schumann or something. Now if I could only have candle light in my dorm room. Alas.

It feels really good to be the go to guy. This specifically relates to my opera scenes work. I think I've kind of made a name for myself as a trustworthy figure here. I'm working on THREE different scenes this semester and I love them all. Two of them are from Don Giovanni where I get to play the Don himself and work with two awesome sopranos and a bass whose notes I envy every time I hear them. The other scene is from L'italiana in Algeri where I'm playing Ali. Yes, that's right, I'm playing a pirate! Here I get to work with an awesome soprano and baritone that I just met, a brilliant mezzo, and a mens chorus! The best part is I started out with one scene. I thought Josh was going to hit me when I brought him all this work, but I think I've finally shown him that I can handle a large work load. Scenes is going to be a blast this year.

Another amusing tidbit. Josh, my voice teacher, TEXTS! That made my morning yesterday. Ok, enough procrastination, back to score study. Two performances coming up, one with Chamber and one with The Hofbeats. Goodnight!

... and he breaks the tape!

A time to stop and catch my breath, finally. It's has been one day over a month since the last time I posted. This even shocked me. I knew I was disconnected for the last month but I didn't know it was that bad. It works out well though, now I can compare the post from the beginning of the process with the one I'm writing now.

All I can say is what an experience. Josh puts it the best when he says that I've been bitten by the bug and that I want to run before I know how to walk. But why would I want to walk once I know how much fun running can be!?!? The opera was one of the best experiences I've had in my life. The reason I'm a music ed major is because I want to teach people this art, but I believe that every educator out there gets into because they once had an awesome musical experience. I was able to uncover my inner performer and have a purely performance based experience. This was so refreshing.

The chorus was awesome, I couldn't ask for a better crew. Getting to learn a role and work on it with awesome performers like Alex and Johnny was a great experience too. However, I think my favorite thing was getting to spend time with people with a similar goal and constantly work towards it. The sense of accomplishment that I feel is overwhelming, and although I'm not the most nostalgic person I would go back and do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Opening night, I almost died of a heart attack. The best part was that the crowd got bigger EVERY NIGHT! By Sunday we packed the house out! I've now got people coming up to me and complimenting me. I ONLY HAD THREE LINES! It's amazing how even the smallest role taken seriously can impact the audience.

To wrap it up, I sit here completely satisfied and starving for more all at once. I am so happy this show turned out the way it did, and I can't wait for next year. My goal now is to next year be singing a lead and I won't stop until that happens. I'm going to elevate myself to new hieghts and capture my prize, just calling it now :-). There's a difference between cockiness and drive you know?

Signing off,

Ivan P. - Head of Security and cracking bottles and Prince Orlofsky's Villa

A First Time For Everything.

Happy New Year! (A Few Days Late...)

I sit here after my second full day of rehearsal for Die Fledermaus. Not only is this my first opera ever and my first semester signing opera; it's also my first CAST ever! In high school I was always a pit musician and I realized yesterday that this is my first time actually being a member of the cast. Let me tell you, it really is an awesome experience. So far I've sung a duet, learned dialogue, and gotten chest bumped to the floor! All being new experiences, I can say that I really love this. The dynamic is great and rehearsals, though long, are a lot of fun. The best part is, even though I'm only covering the role I got a little recognition for it. Isabel, the director, said today that she was super impressed with all of the covers and how well they learned their roles. It's a start.

Another new experience today, I went to church for the first time in a long time. Kim, a close friend of mine, had a solo so she invited me to come check it out. For a long time now I've sworn off church and religion all together. I just never got anything out of Roman Catholic mass, and didn't really agree with everything being said. After getting over my original apprehension I decided i would tag along. Let me tell you, I have NEVER seen a group of people enjoy their faith so much. The full symphony orchestra and choir along with the service was really inspiring. And the most surprising part of all, the sermon actually made me think. My feelings today were confirmed, it doesn't matter how you worship or connect to whoever or whatever you believe in because no one is the same. It's hard to explain, but I guess what I realized was the closest I've ever felt to God or anything like that is while I'm playing music. I still don't know what I believe, but something in this universe cause me to switch instruments halfway though high school and excel at it. Something caused me to start singing opera halfway through college and take to it quickly. I don't know how to explain it. All I can say is, I'm very thankful that I have music in my life and I realize how lucky I am to have it.

Don't deny your gifts friends, embrace them. Most of all though, be thankful that you have them. They are what make you an individual.

Mark one down for me.

Five down, three to go. A scary thought in terms of semesters. My life as an undergrad is flat out flying. I wonder why it is, that all the education before college seemed to take such a long time. I mean, it did actually take a long time. But, it seemed like it could go on forever. Now I feel like i just started college and in less three semesters I'm going to be leaving with a piece of papers that says I can legally teach in this state.

It's a little scary when I sit and think about it. It's not that I think I'll be a bad teacher or anything like that. I just now see how fast my career is sneaking up on me. I guess I really still feel like a nine year old when the rest of the world want's me to be twenty something. I guess i can still go home after work and finger paint.

My lack of resident's over the past couple of days has afforded me a new luxury. I can now sit in my room and TRY to sing opera anytime I want. It's a lot of fun. I can try new things, make mistakes, and jump around like a crazy person. Singing in my sun filled room in the middle of the day today was very refreshing. A nice change of pace from practice rooms in a basement.

Now to find an aria to work on for next semester.

If you stumble upon this and have ideas, leave a few that you care to part with.

And so we begin...

I've done this before. I'm no stranger to blogging. I've done it before, and always failed. So why try again? Life has taken many interesting turns recently. Not to say I didn't know myself, I just think I've found a new side of me. I think the term I've given it is born-again-optimism. Not to say that I was a negative person, I was just... content. However, sometime in May I decided I wasn't content anymore. So I tried something new. I started taking voice lessons with Joshua Hecht. He's been phenomenal to me, helping me through some weird things and turning my voice into... something.

So I've gone from one musical concentration to two. People tell me in my line of work that makes me "desirable". The truth is, it just makes me happy. I love playing the euphonium. There is nothing like sitting in front of Boonshaft at a concert and having everything click at that moment. But, there is nothing like opera either. That's what I've been dealing with lately, a double dose of passion.

This past weekend was my first serious performance vocally. Or I should say, my first three performances. Two concerts with the HSO and Chorale and my first opera scenes performance. Music is my drug and singing is my new fix. Nothing has ever been like standing in front of a room full of people and running around singing Se voul Ballare. I'm addicted to this art and I won't stop.

AND CONDUCTING! MY LOVE! I've just finished my first semester with a brilliant conductor, Dr. Peter L. Boonshaft, and he's helped me so much. He's helped me realize what works for me when I conduct whether he knows it or not.

So many good things right now! Two amazing private teachers. Survival of this semester in sight. Die Fledermaus in January!

It all clicks right now.